Do you "char-cooter?"

That's a funny word, isn't it? It wasn't until I started this business that I discovered the true definition of the word "cooter" which is: a North American river turtle that has a dull brown shell and yellow stripes on its head. Current English slang will have you believe it's the nether regions of a woman but I like to be a trend-setter so I say now it's part of the new verb: charcooter, meaning to create an artful arrangement of food on a board.

So do you charcooter? Have you ever? Are you intimidated by it, or even by those who charcoot? Let me back up a little and first go over the origin story of charcootering. (Webster is going to hang me.)

I started making charcuterie boards a few years ago but just this year am finally doing it for strangers (that doesn't sound weird taken out of context...) Anyways, it started becoming apparent to me that artfully arranging food scares some people. Selecting food scares them. And even trying the food scares them. Why? Because most often they're not doing it for themselves; they're probably doing it for a family get together with no pressure at all from a mother-in-law. Buying a $7 jar of pickled okra can be a risk. And while candied jalapenos sound delish to some, they'd send my mother-in-law to the hospital! If you're like me, wasting food makes me sick. Food is a privilege and there is so much wasted food in the world already, so that time I tried pickled beets for the first time and wanted to wash my mouth out with dirt because that would have tasted better, I put the lid back on and sent it down the street to my neighbor Ashley since she eats a jar a week.

So yes, it's scary buying new foods if you think you have to throw it away after gagging on them. That's one of the best perks of my business though. I get to try so much and even if I don't like it (I'm looking at you pickled quail eggs) I likely know someone who does. Even if you don't care for something, don't stress about putting it on a board because there is a big chance someone else secretly eats a jar of it every week.

Now, how is this the origin story of charcootering? Well, I decided to start a crusade and ignite bravery amongst those who may love to try new foods but are still fearful. I want to both teach people how to select and artfully arrange food and to discern zero shame about occasionally leaving it to a professional (aka: me.) I want people to not only not be afraid to finally buy that dragon fruit or jar of anchovy olives but also, I want people to have no guilt and embrace ordering from someone who charcooters on a daily basis. I currently have 27 jars of different pickled items, 54 different cheeses, 32 different boxes of crackers and 16 types of chocolate, amongst much more. If you order a board from me, you won't get one type of chocolate and a couple olives along with your cheese - you will get more variety than you thought feasible. And in that variety will also be the opportunity to take a class and learn how to make that darn infamous salami rose.

More details coming soon on the next "Char-HOW-TO-DO-terie" class currently scheduled for Saturday, February 18th, 2023.